you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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