you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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