Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
