1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize