if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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