I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
