I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
