you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
