I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
