Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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