Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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