I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone shit on the floor
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i now understand why vodka
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
