You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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