Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
