i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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