I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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