He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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