Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When are your genitals available?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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