were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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