Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
