I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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