I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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