anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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