I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize