Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
