pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
