She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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