if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Enjoy the penises
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
