I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
