Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
