I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize