i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have aggressive nipples.
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