He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
