Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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