Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
