pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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