bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
