I wish I could teleport
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
