The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize