Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
