I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
