I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
