I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
