haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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