i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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