I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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