By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
