took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
