P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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