That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
