look no pants
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
