Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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