The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
