I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
