Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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