And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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