Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize