Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
