drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
