I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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