new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize