in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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