best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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