Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
