he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
