Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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