the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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