I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
